The Balancing Act of Self Care
As a therapist, many of my clients are Black women trying to figure out how to care for themselves and care for everyone else. Is caring for myself more important than caring for others? When caring for others, where do I find time to take care of my needs? As a Black woman, I have asked myself the same questions and it’s a balancing act for me as well. However, these questions could be true for all people and not just Black women.
So what is self-care? I define self-care as a balance between caring for yourself and others. This balancing act is so hard for many of us because many of us help others at the risk of ignoring our own well-being. In the midst of helping everyone we do not want to deny ourselves love either. My clients have asked me and I have asked myself, “How do I help others and myself at the same time?” The answer is realizing you have the power to make a decision. We all have the power to decide who, what, when, where, why and how to help ourselves and others. It is our individual right to choose when to help others, based on our own needs and desires. I do feel that we as social workers can provide healthy tools to help ourselves and others decide between meeting our own needs and the needs of others.
Self-care will always be something that we need to think about, especially in our present and uncertain political times. I did have some clients who felt uneasy about the current national leadership of our country. I advised them to face their fears by creating goals they would like to achieve to ease their stress. Society does not have to be perfect for us to be healthy. Our health depends upon us taking action and not waiting for someone to tell us what to do.
When we set personal and professional goals, we are taking healthy steps in practicing self-care. Goals with achievable steps and deadlines keep our heads above water, when we feel like we are drowning. Goals with deadlines and action steps allow us to focus on our needs and desires, so we can improve our quality of life. This prevents us from relying on others to define our self-worth. If you want to lose ten pounds in 30 days, think about keeping a food diary, increasing your water intake, or how many times a week you can exercise? Think about small steps to achieve your goals. I have done this for myself and clients, and it has been very helpful. One challenge is getting help to achieve these goals. The help can come in the form of an accountability partner, or someone to remind you about drinking water or writing in your food diary.
Another challenge could be getting help in supporting your self-care goals. I realize I do need to ask for help more often in achieving my goals. It is important to realize that people are not meant to live in isolation, but with companionship and in communion with others. There is strength in asking for help, mainly the courage to be vulnerable to others. When you ask for help, see who is willing to help you in your struggles. This is a good indicator to see who is also worth helping as well. Love is a two-way street and it is important that love is given and received. The goal is not to be needy, but to have support in improving your quality of life.